Life is full of tough questions, like have you invested way too much money and energy in a career that’s all wrong for you, are you spending enough time with your nieces and nephews or are they growing up without really knowing you as a constant presence in their lives, and should you Facebook friend your boyfriend of several years? I’m afraid to know the answer to the first two, so let’s tackle number three. To help, I’ve drafted this handy quiz:
- Will you tag him in photos and status updates multiple times a day, thereby increasing his FB activity and sense of REALLY EXISTING by 2,000%?
- Are you friending him so he will remember that he’s your boyfriend and not still single?
- Are you friending him because you’re worried if you one day change your relationship status to “married” but don’t specify a person, that it will seem like you married a figment of your imagination, or a ghost bachelor?
- Do you just want to update your relationship status so you stop getting friend requests from strange men, or increasingly from women whose profiles are just links to porn?
- Are you just looking for someone (else) to stalk?
- Are you comfortable with him knowing what you’re thinking and doing all the time? With how much posting feeds a ravenous need for attention that never relents, and never sleeps?
- Do you realize he’ll now know where you get all your funny links and videos from – that’s right, other people George Takei – and that you’re not a taste maker, just a taste sharer, maybe even a taste chaser? That you haven’t gone on Reddit in five years and your entire personality is 2000-and-late?
- Will you immediately demand that he behave like other Facebook boyfriends you have known and stalked: tagging you in photos, and writing sweet lies statuses about how gentle and kind you are, like a cartoon bear? Will a lack of Facebook activity on his part be interpreted as a deeply personal attack against you and your hopes and dreams?
- Will he be comfortable legally changing his name to #bae?
- Are you OK with him knowing that every time you text or email him something that’s cute or funny, you later decide it’s too funny to waste on just one spontaneous human interaction and subsequently make it your Facebook status for all to see?
If you answered “yes” to 6 or more of these questions – just kidding, there is no logic to this quiz. Just do whatever you want! I personally still have some thinking to do…
These creepy ghost kids don’t even know what Facebook is.