This week, a very funny – and for some people, painfully true – post has been circulating from Washington Post humor columnist (and DC-based playwright) Alexandra Petri. In response to actress Jennifer Lawrence’s short but sweet Lenny Letter on why she is paid less than her male colleagues and how she’s done trying to find the “adorable” way to state her opinion, Petri penned the column: “Famous quotes, the way a woman would have to say them during a meeting.” The first entry is my favorite:
“Give me liberty, or give me death.”
Woman in a Meeting: “Dave, if I could, I could just — I just really feel like if we had liberty it would be terrific, and the alternative would just be awful, you know? That’s just how it strikes me. I don’t know.”
I don’t know Petri personally (Guys! Introduce me!), but this piece is one of the best of hers I’ve seen, and dutifully has been making the rounds this week and – dare I say it – going viral. It makes me count my blessings that I’ve never faced the demurring extremes in Petri’s piece. But a lot of people have – not just women, but I’m sure especially women.
I’ve read several articles lately about how to strengthen your messaging – what words or phrases to avoid, for instance – and it really hits home after reading this piece. For me, learning to edit my emails and other correspondence to be less simpering and more empowered – essentially the opposite of Petri’s funny exercise – has become a weirdly fun challenge. And I always have to edit them. Old habits die hard. Here are a few of my techniques for “empowerment editing” my own emails, mostly based on the good advice of others.
Don’t say “sorry.”
This has to be the number one tip I’ve read time and time again, particularly aimed at women in the working world. And I used to do it All. The. Time. Sorry. Correction: I still do it all the time. But now, I hit backspace a bunch of times and really don’t let the word slip in unless I genuinely mean it. Like “I’m sorry I spilled pea soup all over your books.” That was years ago, but I am still sorry about that.
Don’t say “just.”
I was just a little surprised when I read an article in Business Insider by a Google and Apple alum warning readers to avoid the word “just,” as well. After reading the piece, I noticed just how much I throw the word in there for no apparent reason at all. Like email croutons. Why are you here, just? I just don’t even know. See also “wanted to,” “a little” and “kind of,” which I’m sure are appropriate in some contexts, but how often are we using them to just pretend the words we’re saying are somehow not ours?
For instance, “I just wanted to see if” is a favorite phrase of mine. How noncommital. Backspace backspace backspace. It’s not even necessarily that I want to ask you this question, or check up on this thing. I’m doing it. The end.
Remove 10-20% of exclamation points.
Frankly, I love enthusiasm and I love exclamation points. I can’t say I really feel unempowered when liberally sprinkling my emails with them. But at the risk of seeming like I’m trying too hard to seem friendly – to the point of passive aggression – or straight up yelling at the recipient, I pare them down. But I almost always end an email with one. It’s just kind of my thing, get over it!
Insert yourself.
“I” is not your enemy. Yes, sometimes “we” did a project or “we’re asking” for something. Sometimes that’s extremely accurate. Other times “we” is a great way to avoid taking the unique blame for being the bearer of bad news, and I’m always into that. But at other times, you did the thing. You put in the time and effort, and you can take claim of that in your own small way with the use of the singular pronoun in place of plural. As appropriate. Please don’t blame me if you get fired, guys.
On this note, I also love this entry from the Petri column:
“I came. I saw. I conquered.”
Woman in a Meeting: “I don’t want to toot my own horn here at all but I definitely have been to those places and was just honored to be a part of it as our team did such a wonderful job of conquering them.”
It’s perfect.
Keep it short and to the point.
There’s a great quote, attributed to a few people, about the time it takes to be efficient. French mathematician Blaise Pascal is credited with saying something like: “I have made this longer than usual because I have not had time to make it shorter.” I also like Ben Franklin’s version: “I have already made this paper too long, for which I must crave pardon, not having now time to make it shorter.”
Taking the extra time to make an email complete but concise shows the recipient you value their time, and as such, shows you mean business. And I think that’s pretty empowering.
Obviously this does NOT apply to long rambling emails from my bestie about what she had for lunch. If possible, please go on for another page or two. This email is literally the highlight of my day.
Use humor.
I know humor can be difficult to translate into written text, but it’s kind of what I do, so I use it in my emails as appropriate to soften the blow of hard truths or crazy requests, in place of qualifiers or other pointless email croutons. I just try not to overuse it, and there’s certainly a time and place for everything.
Well, I just wanted to share those tips with you. Not that I’m an expert or anything. 😉 Let me know what kind of tricks you have!