And I’m back! It’s been a couple weeks since we ended the run of my summer 2015 Capital Fringe Festival production, “Ambien Date Night.” The play ran for six performances, from July 10-30: aka 21 days of stress, elation, exhaustion, laughter, tears, anxiety & beer. There were days I woke up with a sick feeling of dread that never dissipated until the lights went down on the final scene of the show. There were days I had to chase down every meal with Pepto. And there were nights, celebrating under the stars, that I clung to for hours. It was a whirlwind. It’s what happens when you Put Yourself Out There.
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In my 8th grade year book, I (along with a male classmate) was voted Funniest in the class. How this occurred remains a mystery. Just kidding: I was on the yearbook committee, and a tie in the “best hair” category allowed me to take the funniness crown. Personally, I might’ve voted myself “shyest” or “most likely to light a match in the back of Social Studies for, like, no reason.” Flash forward a decade or so, and I would’ve certainly voted myself “Least Likely To Put Myself Out There.” By my 20s I was, if no longer shy, painfully self-conscious. I wanted to be liked and respected, but on display? Not so much. And yet, here we are, in the year 2015 of our Lord. Out there. On display. Judgeable. Yikes…
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When you put yourself (and your work) “out there,” people react to it. That’s the point. It’s also the hell of it. Take “Ambien Date Night,” for example. So many people loved it. Others felt like they needed a powerful sedative after watching it. Unfortunately, you don’t get the high fives and the accolades without risking a few jeers. At some point, no matter how hard you work to avoid them, you’ll get some haters. You need look no further than the comments section on YouTube (or all of Reddit) to know that the world is not a safe place. Doing something you love and having someone else say “I didn’t love that” is not the best. It feels crappy. It feels like getting your first B on a paper (where my nerds at?) It feels like liking someone who doesn’t like you back. It feels, just briefly, like maybe it wasn’t worth doing the thing to begin with.
But here’s the thing: Put yourself out there anyway. Put your work out there. Put your play, blog, story, article, essay, book (ha, easier said than done), performance, painting, dance, garment, poem, song, baked good, etc, out there. Do something you love and let some drunk weirdo in the back row judge it. It will be scary and stressful and amazing. Do it because you’ll always learn something from the experience. Do it to increase your belief in the amazing things you’re capable of. Do it and watch your network of friends, fans and mentors spread like sunrise.
Put yourself out there, guys. And have a really fucking fun time doing it.
xoxo,
Jess
Photos by Ryan Maxwell Photograhy.