This was a big week! I finally sent out my first round of query letters for my novel to agents. Things are happening. It’s weird. And nice.
The hardest thing for me about writing the query letter was trying to craft a pithy pitch for my book. I was never great with elevator speeches. Whenever anyone asks me, “What’s your book about?” I get a little weird. Or I laugh mysteriously and say: “It’s about being 25?”
So, I’m sure this whole querying process will go swimmingly.
By the next book, I plan to have my pitch game tight. I won’t even bother writing the book if it doesn’t have the most marketable pitch brain-money can buy. Here are some ideas for future pitches that basically sell themselves. If one of these pitches gets 4,000 likes on Facebook, I promise to write it.
30-Love: A wealthy tennis pro is hit in the head by a tennis ball during a match, losing her memory and all interest in the sport – but falls for the ball boy who revived her. Can she get her semi-concussed body back in shape in time to play the most important match of her career: a match … of the heart?
Man Eater: Two forever-singles are eaten alive by a Burmese Python and fall for each other in the serpent’s distended belly. Their budding romance is a ticking clock, and they must decide how they will spend their last minutes together, before entering the digestive tract … of the heart.
Beat by Beat: Two mashup artists are battling it out to see whose 2014 anthology will dominate the charts. Bitter Twitter battles aside, they’ve never met in person, until one fateful night, when they create the most important mix of their careers: a mashup … of the heart.
The Gore-dashians: He invented the internet; she broke it. Will the former vice president of the United States of America be able to save the planet from the global warming … of his heart?
Once Upon an Apocalypse: After a decades-long fire-battle of the species, only one living Earthling remains. He boards his heli-cruiser in search of a new home, and discovers another ruined planet with the last remaining female “glorflord.” As they trek across the universe in search of a new planet with a non-toxic atmosphere, it soon becomes an intergalactic journey… of the heart.
Coming 2016…