No one likes cooking in winter. OK, some people do. But those people don’t add up. This blog is for people who totally add up. The sad fact is, you have to leave your house sometimes and you have to eat food during winter. Sorry. But it doesn’t have to be a total chore. Here’s a few easy, fun, exciting and simple “recipes” that are staples in my “kitchen” during these cold winter months.

Two Pounds of Pasta ‘n’ Things

Boil two entire packages of raw pasta. Drain in colander. Add two entire jars of expensive and fancy pasta sauce. Expensive sauce is the same as inexpensive sauce but has a more artisanal label. Saute some vegetables, maybe some that have been in your fridge for a while and look a little shriveled but still kind of edible, and an onion. Toss with pasta and fancy sauce. Set up an assembly line of 10 take-out containers and divide accordingly. Shred some Parmeggiano Reggiano on those bad misters. Consume for every meal for a week straight.

By the 7th serving, when the vegetables have started to taste “off” or “perplexing,” add 1 pound sautéed ground turkey to get you to the finish line. Swear off carbs for a month, but only last 3 days.

Macatunamato & Cheese

This is a fun and easy dish that kids or probably very advanced babies could make. Step one, cook boxed macaroni and cheese according to package instructions. I like Annie’s Mac & Cheese because it gives the illusion of being better than Easy Mac while being exactly the same as Easy Mac (see fancy pasta sauce). Step two, add a can of diced tomatoes, drained. Step three, add a packet (or can? Do people still do cans?) of tuna fish in water. Stir that junk. Resist the temptation to add more cheese. Eat.

Chinese Food From That Place That Is Only Good For Dim Sum

The dim sum from the Chinese place by your house is sooooo good. And it’s like RIGHT by your house. On weekends, the line snakes down the sidewalk, past the Crisp ‘n’ Juicy and the Peet’s Coffee and all the way around the corner. During dinner, however, the restaurant is completely empty save for 1 or 2 families that look really regretful. The take-out here is not very good at all, but it is right by your house. Order here often.

Ramen w/ Stuff

What doesn’t taste good in a hot bowl of sodium-rich instant ramen? Find out the hard way!

The Whole Chipotle Burrito

You will feel a lot better if you don’t eat the whole Chipotle burrito. You could eat half of it. Or even two-thirds. That would still be better than eating the whole Chipotle burrito. Eat the whole Chipotle burrito, though. It hurts. It might not stay down. But it’s totally worth it. It’s so cold outside! You deserve to live.

Stay toasty, master chefs!